i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
