Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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