There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
