My hand turned me down
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
