2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
