Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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