I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
