Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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