Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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