so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
