just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
