talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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