I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
