She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
