Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
