WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Please, let me fuck your mom
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
