i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just found puke in my bra..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
