He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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