Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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