So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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