I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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