She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
