Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
