yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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