At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
