I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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