I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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