Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
