My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
