I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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