just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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