I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
