drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
