Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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