I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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