I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
