She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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