Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its not stalking. its research.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So squirting runs in the family.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
