take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
