I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
