you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
