I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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