I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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