I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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