i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
