Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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