Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
