Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
