I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
