Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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