Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
