omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
