Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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