I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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