I will die if light touches me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
