Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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