apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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