Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
